I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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