What a fucking waste of an outfit
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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