im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You are a genius and a whore.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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