just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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