i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
