the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
