Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
