The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize