Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
