I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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