Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
