You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She's the barista slut.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
