Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
