Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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