I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
