i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
