You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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