it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize