I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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