Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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