he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize