I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
