I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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