Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
