i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
