why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
