You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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