I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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