He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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