i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
