Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
