Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
