Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
you had me at cake vodka
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
