standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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