i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
