its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
