We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He better not be in your backpack
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
