Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
