I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
