He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
there was a trapeze. enough said
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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