you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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