so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
