Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize