My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
