perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
