Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
