I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
