you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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