I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
