I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
