My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
pop tarts are not kleenex
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
