it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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