My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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