well I can't set my house on fire every night
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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