Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize