when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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