I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
