yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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