4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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