The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
