Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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