Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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