He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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