this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
