it was like eating out sand paper
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
