I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
