the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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