flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Randomize
