"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
