she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
