I want to stick my p in your. b.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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