They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
