im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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