How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
