just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize