she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
