so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
