She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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