I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize