I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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