May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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