please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
