Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
