we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
