Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
