I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize