sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
