he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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