When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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