Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
