im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I enjoy the company of your penis
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
