My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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