Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
