coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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