she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Randomize
