That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
