if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
