There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
