shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
