Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
